Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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