This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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