i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
