Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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