don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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