jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
this boner is exhausting
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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