You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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