Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
