we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
