how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
