his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I need mimosas to revive my soul
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
