Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
