I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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