Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
