I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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