Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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