I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
