New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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