im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
