I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
