I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
