Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
