go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it's like iHOP with fire
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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