Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
