she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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