no, he came in my armpit
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
