New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
