It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
