Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
