Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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