between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
