**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
