he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
