I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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