He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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