We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
