all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
