I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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