Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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