Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
