i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
