I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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