i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
