im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
