Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
