You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
