Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
