Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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