he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
