You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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