Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
