the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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