I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
