In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
