LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
